When families write obituaries, they are not documenting resumes. They are choosing what matters enough to remember. That makes obituaries one of the clearest records we have of collective values, not what people achieved, but what people believed was worth honoring at the end.
A large new study published in Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences examined this idea at an unprecedented scale.
Researchers analyzed 38 million obituaries of Americans published between 1998 and 2024, using advanced language analysis to understand which values families emphasize when remembering loved ones, and how those values change across time, regions, age groups, and major historical events.
The findings challenge many modern assumptions about success, ambition, and legacy.
How the Study Worked
The research team, including psychologists Liane Young and Thomas Mazzuchi, examined obituary text hosted on Legacy.com, one of the largest online memorial platforms in the United States. These texts were analyzed using curated word lists tied to well-established human values such as benevolence, tradition, security, achievement, and power.
Because the dataset included tens of millions of entries, the analysis required supercomputer-level processing. This allowed researchers to identify patterns not visible in smaller studies, including long-term cultural shifts and regional differences.
The approach did not rely on subjective interpretation. Instead, it tracked the frequency of everyday words people naturally use when describing values like kindness, faith, duty, independence, or authority.
The Two Values That Dominated Nearly Every Era
Across almost three decades of obituaries, two values stood out overwhelmingly:
- Tradition
- Benevolence
More than 70 percent of all obituaries contained language connected to these two values.
Tradition-related words often reflected religious participation, family customs, service, faith, and continuity across generations. Benevolence-related language centered on caring for others, generosity, loyalty, compassion, and love.
By contrast, values many people associate with success in daily life, such as achievement, status, or power, appeared far less frequently. Promotions, titles, wealth, and authority rarely formed the core of how lives were remembered.
Reading this, I found myself pausing. We spend enormous portions of our lives chasing markers of achievement, yet when families look back, those markers fade into the background.
How Major Events Changed What People Remembered
Large-scale disruptions reshaped obituary language in measurable ways.
After September 11, 2001
Following the 9/11 attacks, obituary language shifted noticeably, especially in New York.
- Words related to security, such as “health,” “order,” and “stability,” declined.
- Language emphasizing benevolence and tradition increased.
- Terms like “service,” “loyal,” and “caring” appeared more often.
These changes did not disappear quickly. The shift persisted for at least a year, suggesting long-lasting changes in how families framed meaning and legacy.
During COVID-19
The pandemic produced the most dramatic and lasting changes observed in the dataset.
Beginning in March 2020:
- Benevolence-related language, including words like “love,” “family,” and “sympathy,” dropped sharply.
- Unlike earlier disruptions, these levels have not fully recovered.
- Tradition-related language initially declined, then rose above pre-pandemic levels later on.
The researchers interpret this as a sign of collective strain. During a prolonged crisis, even core moral language can fracture or reorganize.
The pandemic did not just change daily life. It altered how people described what a life meant.
Gender and Age Patterns Still Persist
The analysis also revealed differences aligned with long-standing social expectations.
Gender Differences
- Men’s obituaries included more language related to achievement, conformity, and power.
- Women’s obituaries emphasized benevolence and enjoyment of life more often.
Interestingly, men’s value profiles shifted more across age than women’s. The values highlighted in younger men’s obituaries differed substantially from those of older men, while women’s value patterns remained more stable over time.
Age Differences
- Older adults were more frequently remembered for tradition, faith, and continuity.
- Younger adults were more often remembered for independence, concern for others, and care for nature.
These patterns suggest that what people are remembered for reflects not just individual lives, but cultural expectations placed on different groups.
Why Obituaries Matter More Than We Think
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Obituaries remain among the most-read sections of newspapers and online memorial platforms. They are public, shared reflections, shaped by families but influenced by cultural norms.
This study helps answer a question that psychology has rarely been able to address at scale: Not how people want to be remembered, but how they actually are remembered.
Large-scale evidence like this is rare. Most legacy research relies on surveys or self-reporting. Obituaries provide real-world data written under emotionally honest conditions.
What Comes Next
The researchers suggest several future directions:
- Examining differences across race, occupation, and region
- Extending analysis into earlier historical periods using archived newspapers
- Studying whether awareness of obituary patterns might influence how people treat others while alive
The idea that kindness consistently dominates remembrance raises an uncomfortable possibility. If people knew this earlier, would they live differently?
The Quiet Pattern That Emerges
Interesting stuff…👇
Scientists analyzed 38 million obituaries and found a hidden story about American values https://t.co/NhkFMVue0d @psypost
“Americans tend to remember the deceased for qualities such as honoring cultural customs & caring for others…”
But “personal value…
— Timothy Caulfield (@CaulfieldTim) October 5, 2025
Across wars, pandemics, generations, and social change, one pattern holds.
When people look back, they do not memorialize dominance. They do not prioritize prestige. They return, again and again, to how someone treated others and what traditions they upheld.
That does not mean happiness defines a good life. It means meaning does.
And the record left behind is far clearer about that than most of us expect.
